


Words To Say

by Devil_kizuna



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, ChaBin, First Time, I Tried, M/M, neo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 17:08:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15344517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devil_kizuna/pseuds/Devil_kizuna
Summary: It hurts, it simply hurts. Even when I want to be happy it hurts.





	Words To Say

**Author's Note:**

> Guys this is my first time writing a vixx story, well vixx ship story. Most of the story will be in Leo's point of view, otherwise it will be in 3rd person point of view. Hope you guys enjoy. Let kudos and comments!!!!

**It hurts:**

_I was sitting on the kitchen counter. Scrolling through my cell while drinking my freshly made latte. I was reading some news when I heard rustling and footsteps from behind. I didn’t bother to turn around. Soon a pair of arms wrapped themselves around my neck and I could see silver Grey hair. They smell like citrus._

_“Morning Leo ah.” He said and tightened his arms._

_“Morning.” I couldn’t reply more then that. He is such a touchy person._

_“Leo ah, did u sleep well?” he asked as he nuzzled his face in my neck._

_“Hmm.”_

_“that’s good.” He said and pecked my neck._

_“Leo ah, make some breakfast for me please.” He said. I wanted to refuse but I couldn’t._

_“sure.” I said as he ruffled my hair and went back. He was wearing my hoodie with black shorts. Hakyeon what are you doing to me?_

_Hakyeon and me have been living together since college. Hakyeon is a dance teacher in a high school while I am a composer. I got a lot of offers and contracts for a singer, but honestly it’s too much work. Just being a composer is good enough for me._

_Hakyeon, he has a boyfriend, Lee Hongbin. Such a good kid but I don’t like him. Why you ask? No apparent reason. He is a photographer._

_“Leo ah, what are you thinking about?” Hakyeon asked me as he came in the kitchen. Water dripping out of his hair. I quietly placed the pancake in the plate and placed the plates on the table. He handed me a cup of coffee and maple syrup while getting honey for himself._

_“Leo ah, I am gonna leave now okay.” He said as he was wearing his shoes. I wanted to spend the day with him, but unlike me he has to go to work. He will come back early though. So I can spend the remaining day with him._

_“I will come home late tonight. Going to Binnie’s place.” He said as he stood up. Well there goes my plan. I hope I don’t see hongbin today._

_“Hakyeon ah.” I spoke before I could stop myself._

_“Yes.” He said as he turned around. I didn’t have anything to say to him. He smiled at my stupidity, I think. And came close to peck my cheek. And then he left._

_It was around 4 pm when my cell started ringing. It’s Wonshik. He is a fellow composer also a rapper. He is such a good guy to hangout with. Someone who actually don’t annoy me. I picked up the call._

_“Yo hyung, how are you?”_

_“Well and you?”_

_“been at the studio for past 5 days.” He said and laughed. He is such a workaholic._

_“Good, working on something new?”_

_“ Yup a new album, need to talk to u bout it, can we meet up. I srsly need to get out of here for a while.” He said and I nodded, bad habit._

_“Yeah sure, Café?”_

_“Yup, I’ll come to pick u up okay, in 10.”_

_“hmm.”_

_“see ya then hyung.” He said and hung up. I sighed. I went to my room and changed. I settle thought about styling my hair but then…. I threw on a binnie, sighhh I don’t wanna say that. Let’s just say I put on a cap and left._

_I was waiting for Wonshik and he texted me to come down. I left the apartment after taking my keys and wallet._

_R ight outside the building I saw him, in his Porsche Boxter. I sat down in the passenger’s seat and we left._

_“So hyung, were u being a lazy hamster or did u had any plans?” he asked and I rolled my eyes._

_“No plans.”_

_“Hyung, you gotta go out sometimes.”_

_“I don’t want to.” I replied and Ravi sighed._

_“Lets go we are here.” He announced and we went inside the Café. I ordered a latte with chocolate pastry and Ravi ordered something too. As soon as the waiter left Ravi looked at me._

_“Yes what do u want?” I asked knowing exactly what he is gonna say._

_“Hyung, work with me on this album.”_

_“U want me to compose some songs for your album. Sure I don’t mind.”_

_“No hyung work with me, I want you to feature in this album with me.” I knew it._

_“No Wonshik.”_

_“Hyung listen just this once, the entire album is ready except for I guess 2 songs just please.” He said._

_“Wonshik ah, I said no already.” He looked like a kicked puppy. I am not falling for it. I don’t wanna do it no. I know once I agree then I will be stuck in this forever._

_“Hyung please for me. Okay just try and if you hate it then we will stop, how about it?” he isn’t gonna stop pestering me. But then it’s not like anyone’s waiting for me at home._

_“Fine but just this once.” Leo finally gave in. It’s not like he have anything else going on plus it makes Ravi happy._

_Leo and Ravi spent some time together and then Ravi dropped him back home._

_“thanks for agreeing hyung, come by my studio tomorrow and we will discuss further things okay.” Ravi said and I nodded._

_He left and I went back up the building. I opened the door to apartment when I saw two pair of shoes. Oh they are here._

_With a sigh, I close the door and went inside. I could hear voices coming from Hakyeon’s room. Must be here because Hongbin’s roommate didn’t leave. I took a pinot noir bottle from the cabinet, a glass and went to my room. I took out my lyrics diary and sat down on the floor, placed my diary on the bed and thought about it. I didn’t realize exactly when I allowed tears to escape my eyes. I didn’t realize exactly when I became this pathetic. He doesn’t love me then why do I love him. What is it that I want from him. Everyday is a torture. And I never realized that I wrote and that the entire bottle is finished. I didn’t even realize when I fell asleep._

_“Taekwoon ah,” I heard. Oh that soothing voice. How I wish it only belonged to me._

_“Taekwoon ah, wake up.” No Hakyeon I don’t wanna wake up, because if I did… Then you won’t be here anymore._

_“Taekwoon ah, wake up why are you sleeping on the floor and why did you drink? Oh were you writing lyrics?” he asked and I felt his hand moving from my shoulder and I immediately snatched the diary from his hands before he could read._

_“Finally you woke up.” Hakyeon said with a smile. I felt a massive headache. I shouldn’t have drink that much._

_I stood up and Hakyeon hugged me._

_“When did u return last night?” he asked while hugging me. Burying his face in my chest. I wanted to wrap my arms around him. I wanted to smell his intoxicating scent. I wanted to drown in him. It’s too early for this torture… so I simply pushed him._

_“Late.” No I came back at 8pm. Just didn’t want to disturb their ‘personal time’._

_“Sorry I didn’t tell you about bringing Hongbin over. Sanghyuk wasn’t leaving the apartment so we came here.” He said, I could feel him pouting._

_“it’s okay.”_

_“Come on, I made breakfast and latte for you.” He said and kissed my cheek and left. I thought that once he have a boyfriend, even though I hated it, he would stop torturing me with his little touches. But Hongbin was completely okay with it. And I was not._

_I washed my face and realized I was still wearing yesterday’s jeans and t shirt. I changed into Black ripped jeans with white t shirt and black cardigan. I have to go meet Ravi later._

_I went out to see both of them kissing. My morning. I cleared my throat and they broke the kiss. Hakyeon was red and Hongbin just smiled showing his dimples. I want to punch him. But it’s not his fault I was…. I am a coward._

_Hakyeon handed me my coffee and I sat down. The pancakes looked half burned._

_“I am not hungry.” I spoke and drank my coffee. I finished and stood up. I took my wallet and keys._

_“Where are you going?” he asked coming towards me._

_“Wonshik.” I replied._

_“Oh. Okay. Take care alright.” He said and kissed my cheek. Should I tell him I finally accepted to work with Ravi._

_“I, I decided to work with Wonshik on a new album. He wants me in it so maybe I won’t be back early.” I said and he looked at me._

_“YES FINALLY. We have to go out celebrate tonight. Bring Ravi ah too okay.” He said and hugged me tightly. With a sigh I pushed him away and nodded. I got in my car. I do have a car just don’t use it often.._

_I went to the studio and directly to Ravi’s studio._

_I entered after a knock. Ravi was dead asleep… I kinda figured this. I shook him slightly. Then I shook him hard. And then I kicked his chair. He fell to the floor and finally opened his eyes._

_“Ahh.” He said rubbing his ass. He looked lost for a minute and then he looked at me.._

_“Oh hyung, morning how are you?”_

_“Well.”_

_“Wait here I will just come back from the bathroom.” He said and went to the attached bathroom. His studio was quite large and spacious. He came back out and looked at me… then went out the studio. What? With a sigh I just looked around. After 10 minutes he came back with two cups of what I assume is coffee and some sandwiches._

_“You look grumpy, you haven’t eaten breakfast hyung.” He laughed and handed me my coffee and sandwich. We both ate in silence. After we were done, he played the song. It was amazing. I liked it._

_“Beautiful Liar is the song’s name. The album is gonna have 5 songs, I already wrote 3, you have to do 2. One would be your solo and one would be for both of us.”_

_“so I just have to write 2 songs. Okay when’s the album release date?” I asked. I just have to sing and write… that’s a little less I m glad there is not Music Vid…_

_“we have to shoot the MV for Beautiful liar too.” Spoke too soon._

_“Wonshik ah I m leaving.”_

_“No hyung please. Okay listen it’s just one MV.” I can’t actually go back on my words…._

_“Fine…”_

_After I gave in, we discussed the topic of the album… some other things. He said the MV shooting will start in 2 weeks. Just what I needed._

_“If your album didn’t top the charts don’t blame me.” I exclaimed feeling down by the amount of work._  
_Around 4pm we were done discussing everything with the CEO and everything else. I went to my studio after taking another cup of latte. I started working on the music…_

_My cell started ringing which broke my train of senseless thoughts. I looked at the dialer. A picture of Hakyeon with a pout. I m so not in mood. Nonetheless I picked up the call._

_“Yah Taekwoon ah, where are you? I told you we will celebrate tonight. Get Ravi ah and come to the BBQ place beside our house okay. See you there in what I assume would be 10 minutes byeee love u…” he said and hung up. How can one person simply speak that much._

_With a sigh I stood up and took my cardigan keys and wallet._

_“Wonshik ah.” I entered after knocking._

_“oh hyung, what’s up?” he asked and I felt the urge to slap him. I have no idea why though._

_“Hakyeon, treat, lets go.” I said 4 words and went out the building. After 5 minutes he appeared._

_“Hyung speak a little more alright.” He said smiling and I rolled my eyes. I took my car and he took his. We went to the restaurant and saw Hakyeon waving at us from one of the tables. Oh great Hongbin is here, and so is Sanghyuk, Hongbin’s flatmate._  
_We went there and sat down._

_“Hey hyungs how r u?!” Hyuk said and I nodded. Taking a drink of my glass I saw how hongbin and Hakyeon were still talking to each other._

_“Ravi ah I must say that I am surprised. How did you manage to pursue him to actually sing?” Hakyeon asked raising his one eyebrow cutely. Why? Why did I fall for him in the first place? _

_“Honestly I dunno how N hyung! It just happened.” Ravi answered chuckling. N… I gave him that nickname. Everyone but me calls him that._

_“alrighty then let’s eat!!!!” Hakyeon yelled loudly. After eating and a lot of drinking soju on my side, we left after Hakyeon paid. The bill was a little too much so I offered to split it. But he did it with Hongbin. Great…_

_“Alright guys let’s meet again soon. It was fun today.” Hakyeon said and everyone nodded. Ravi said he will take taxi back Cuz he needed to do some work at the studio. I wanted to leave as well but Hakyeon grabbed my arm and dragged me to my car._

_“Yah Leo ah, you won’t go back to studio okay. You are half drunk.”_

_“no I am not.” I replied._

_“Yes u r, lets go home okay.” I nodded and he took the keys from me. He didn’t drunk at all so he CA drive. _

_We both were seated in the car and he drove off. Our house was only 5 minutes away by car. But he wanted to drive._  
_“Taekwoon ah, you wanna get some ice cream?”_

_“…. “_

  
_“Taekwoon ah, ice cream?” he won’t stop asking till I say yes._

  
_“okay.” We went to the convenience store and got ice cream. Hakyeon was happily eating his when he decided it was somehow a good idea to lick mine. He smiled at me and I glared at him._

  
_“Don’t do that.”_

_“Why?” he asked in amusement and licked decided to lick mine again but I put my hand up away from his reach. It was his turn to glare as he tried to pull my arm down. He was close. Too close. So I backed away. Maybe the alcohol is my system was acting up but I highly doubt that._

_I started walking back to house. We parked the car at the house and then we went to the store._  
_He was frowning I could sense that._

  
_Next 2 weeks passed by so quickly. I was more often then not at studio. I almost sleep there the entire time. I would get messages and calls from Hakyeon all the time asking me to come home and rest. Just like that a month was gone. We only had one more month left and a little of the MV Shooting. It took a little more time then I expected. But the staff and Ravi were so patient with me. In the end it all worked out well. It was yet another night I was working on my song’s last arrangements when I heard a knock. I yawned and looked at the clock in my studio. 2 am, who is it? I normally locked my door so I won’t be disturbed. I stood up and opened it._

_“Leo ah, you made me so worried.” He said and hugged me tightly. I didn’t reply his texts or calls all day._  
_“I was busy.” I said as he pushed us both in the studio and closed the door with his foot._  
_He backed up a little, his arms still wrapped around my neck._  
_“Leo ah, are you stressed about the new album?” he asked, so sincere._  
_“A little.” I replied as he played with my hair. We were still standing, his arms still around my neck, my arms still refuse to wrap around his waist. It was so tempting though._  
_“you shouldn’t work that much you know, you will get sick.” He said his one hand in my hair and other on my neck._  
_“Leo ah, you know you can ease your mind on me right, I don’t mind.” He always did that. Always ready to give his body to me. He offered the same thing when I was composing my first song and I was stressed. He did the same when I had my college entrance exams. But I can’t agree on something like this._  
_“No.” I simply replied and pushed him away._  
_“Leo ah, don’t push me away please. Just okay then let’s go out and get some late night snacks.” He said and I shook my head._  
_“Go home I have to work.” I said._  
_“No. I came here to make you less stressed I won’t go unless I achieve that.” He said and hugged me again. What’s with him and hugging me? I know back in high school he became my friend Cuz I looked like the loneliest soul._  
_“Hakyeon stop it and go home.” I said but when does he actually listens to me. He pushed me back towards the couch. It was an old couch which I put here just in case I want to sleep. It comes handy these days.._  
_As soon as I sat down he climbed on my lap and knocked our foreheads together._

  
_“Just for tonight okay, let me take your stress away, it’s not like something bad will happen. Neither will anyone of us fall for each other.” With that he joined our lips. I wanted to cry. Because he just doesn’t understand. If only I had the guts to told him. If only I have said those words before. But now, it’s impossible. So I maybe just tonight, I will drown in him._

_Its been 2 months, tonight our album_ _will release. Finally, all that hard work and all those sleepless nights._ _I was at home, Wonshik was partying somewhere, he invited me but I refused. Hakyeon promised me we will spend today together and at night we will listen to the album together. 12 at tonight it will release._

_It was 11 now. He was a little late but it’s okay. I don’t mind. I am content with him as a friend. And it’s not like he is married, maybe that would cause me pain. But I will steady myself till then._  
_I placed a recorder on his pillow with a ‘listen to me’ note. I recorded my song for him. It’s in the album but I want him to listen to it first. He was the inspiration for the song. I smiled at the recorder and left his room. My phone started ringing and Hakyeon was calling. I picked up and he squealed in my ear._

 _“LEO AH YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED. HONGBIN PROPOSED ME… AHHHHHHH I AM SO HAPPY…..” Tears slipped down my face. I could feel my lips trembling._  
  
_“ah… congratulation.” I said. I don’t know how, but I did._  
_“I am coming home okay.” He hung up. I took my keys and left._

Hakyeon entered the house, he was so damn happy today. Hongbin proposed him.  
“Leo ahhhhh.” Nothing. No reply came. He looked in the kitchen and Leo’s room. No one was there.  
“Did he go out?” Hakyeon asked to no one. He went into his room, a very beautiful ring shining on his ring finger.  
He noticed the recorder and was confused.  
“It wasn’t there when I left.” He took the listen to me note and smiled. Leo rarely did something like this. So he played the recording.

_**Today, I have something to tell you** _  
_**Something I couldn’t tell you before** _  
_**I was happy even though I didn’t smile much** _  
_**It was at least a precious memory for me** _  
_**In case you grew far away, in case you disappeared** _  
_**I pretended not to see and closed my eyes** _  
_**You were in love with someone else** _  
_**But I just wanted you to stay by my side** _

_**Day by day, you grew farther away** _  
_**Then you left but I still have things to say** _  
_**So I’m hotly calling out to you** _  
_**You were more beautiful than anyone else** _  
_**It hurts that I can’t** _  
_**Even hold you in my arms** _

_**I’ll be okay, I’ll grow indifferent** _  
_**It’ll just pass** _  
_**It’s alright, because I love you more** _  
_**I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t me** _

_**Day by day, you grew farther away** _  
_**Then you left but I still have things to say** _  
_**So I’m hotly calling out to you** _  
_**You were more beautiful than anyone else** _  
_**It hurts that I can’t** _  
_**Even hold you in my arms** _

_**Look at me** _  
_**Even sleeping** _  
_**And breathing is hard** _

_**I won’t ask anymore** _  
_**I won’t hope anymore** _  
_**Thank you** _  
_**I won’t forget anything** _

Hakyeon could feel tears in his eyes. What is this song?  
His phone rang, the song continuing in the back ground.  
He picked up.

“Hello sir so you by chance know Mr Jung Taekwoon?” it was a lady.  
“Yes I know him, who are you?” Hakyeon asked.  
“Mr Jung was involved in a terrible accident.”

_**I’ll try getting over you day by day** _  
_**It’ll be obvious, it’ll hurt** _  
_**But still, thank you** _  
_**I’m waving goodbye to you** _  
_**Let’s not cry again, let’s not hold onto each other** _  
_**The more I tell myself that** _  
_**It hurts, it hurts.** _

_It didn’t anymore._

 

 


End file.
